Some Crying is Normal

Whilst the crying may not indicate anything of concern, it can be very tough to deal with and managing it is no trivial undertaking. 1 in 5 babies are taken to a health care provider for having cry-fuss problems but fortunately only 5% of these have some type of organic underlying condition.

Bouts of crying like this do eventually settle over time, having noticeably reduced around 12 weeks and being much less significant around 4 months.

In the meantime, you might like to try some of the following well researched strategies.

1. Adopting an Approach of "Cue-based" Care.
Tuning in to your baby at the earliest sign that a crying episode is coming, is how we become responsive to their cues. Cue-based care means that we respond with intention to what we think our baby is cueing for. Not that this means we will necessarily be able to stop a baby from crying, for there will be times when you just will not be able to work out what is triggering your baby to cry. It is more that we act in recognition that each parent and their baby is their own symbiotic unit, with a unique and special biochemical, neuro-hormonal and behavioural way of relating that goes on between themselves. What affects one, will affect the other, and when we respond with intention, your baby will come to trust that when he cries, you will reciprocate with a response to help him.

2. Feeding Flexibly.
Cue-based breast feeding is recommended, as is sharing the same room for sleeping to be able to respond more quickly to the early signs of hunger. You are encouraged not to hesitate to offer feeds in response to behaviours where your baby is leading up to crying. In the early weeks and months, they are too little for you to be able to identify readily whether the cry is in response to hunger, boredom or tiredness. Frequent flexible feeding will sustain your milk supply and have a positive feedback loop to dampen down a baby's crying.

3. Good Positioning at the Breast
Unidentified feeding problems can very much - and commonly - underpin frustrated and distressed crying in an infant. If you are breastfeeding, take a look at our 'About Breastfeeding' section and see whether the way your baby fits to your body and is being held by you is achieving what we call "positional stability". This is needed for good milk transfer. You may be surprised to discover that there is a problem with feeding that can actually be optimised and improved to help your baby not become so dialled up.

4. The Right Amount of Physical Contact
Check back across your week and re-assess how much physical contact you are having with your baby each day. He will need 10 hours across the day to help downgrade the amount of crying he does.

5. Paying Attention to Your Baby's Sensory Diet
Sensory enrichment is nourishing for babies, and you will soon begin to notice that as tiny as they are - they do actually get bored. Planning your activities at the beginning of the week helps give you structure to build outings into each day which will provide a broad palette of stimulation for your baby's developing brain.

Outdoor sensory enrichment is nourishing for parents too.

6. So is the practice of self-compassion.

Is your brain telling you that you are a hopeless parent who should be able to calm your crying baby - or something like that? If it is, just notice that you are running this type of story in your head. Can you see how it is an unhelpful brain loop in the moments where you need it least?

Without pushing it away, remind yourself that you are doing the best you can ... that you are the most important person to your baby. Be compassionate to your circumstances, whatever they are.

Underneath the turmoil, try to connect with the values you hold deeply about what you want for your baby and what type of a parent you want your baby to know that you are. Try to hold those thoughts while you respond to his crying.

Focus in on aspects of him that you can centre your attention on, even if for brief moments...
how tiny his hands are... the gorgeous colour of his hair... how soft his skin is.

In these moments, you will be doing the best you can.